...and I am officially a BSW! It took six years, a fair amount of stress, and an insane amount of flashcards, but I did it.


I am a college graduate.

Alright, so I wanted a graduation cap glitter, but I couldn't find one. When I googled "graduation cap glitter," all I got were advertisements for jewelry. Speaking of which, you have no idea how glad I am that I ordered a college ring. I've been gazing at it all day, in awe that this was finally happening.

I did not go to commencement. By my own request, I went to work instead. I got there at 7:00 this morning, and left at 7:30 this evening. Was I scheduled for 12 1/2 hours? No. I pretty much refused to leave, since it was my last day. Was it worth it? Totally. Maybe it's because I decided six years ago that I wouldn't be attending my college graduation ceremony, but I really don't feel like I missed out on anything. I'm just as close to my coworkers as to my classmates, if not closer.

I have to admit, though, I was watching the clock this morning. Not because I wanted to go home, but because my graduation was scheduled to end at 11 o'clock this morning. "30 minutes and I'm a BSW...15 minutes and I'm a BSW...10 minutes...5 minutes...I'm a social worker! Woot!" Okay, I'm not a *licensed* social worker (that's at least three years away, according to the state of Illinois), but I *did* get a degree in social work. This morning. At 11 o'clock.

So, at 7:30 this evening, I was trying my darndest not to cry in front of everyone I passed in the building I worked at until just a few hours ago. Didn't quite make it. I wasn't sobbing uncontrollably, but my eyes were quite watery. My goodness, I'm going to miss that place.

And now, to bed. I have to catch up on the sleep I didn't get last night.

...it'll be over. My formal education, that is. Tomorrow is graduation. I can't believe six years have flown by so quickly. I'm torn between relief, pride, sadness, and sheer terror. The College of Arts and Sciences ceremony begins at 9 a.m. and ends at 11. I asked to work that day, since I've never planned on going to commencement anyhow, and honestly, I'm glad.

School was fun, but my on-campus job was simply wonderful. I wish I had more than 8 hours left of it. It's hard to believe I've worked here for nearly two years; when I worked those two years at Burger King, it FELT like two years. The past three years at university seem to have passed in a dream. It's strange...I've worked towards this for so long, and felt so, so burned out, but now...I'm not ready for it to be over.

Yeah, I'm sure you can tell my emotions are running high tonight. They'll no doubt be rushing over tomorrow. My goodness, how I'm going to miss this place. I complained and I griped and I wished it would all be done with, but I'll miss it. I didn't miss high school much, except for band, but I think that was because I knew it wasn't quite over...I still had college to get through. I'll probably go back and get my Master's eventually, but it's not really required anymore. I can survive on this. I won't be as comfortable as I'd like to be, maybe, but I can survive with a Bachelor's of Social Work.

My graduation ceremony ends at 11 o'clock tomorrow morning, and my shift at work will be done at 3 that afternoon. I will no longer be a student. I will no longer be a caterer. My goodness, I'm about to cry. Tears of joy, tears of sadness...both, I guess.

I was right all along, I'm a Hufflepuff!

I got a job interview today for a potential opening after I graduate this May. It's for a company in this area. It's not exactly the social service I was thinking of, but it is along my line of study. My initial interview is in about three weeks, so I think I'll make an appointment at the Career Center on campus to set up a mock interview.

This is a short post, I know, but I've gotta be up in 5 1/2 hours. Night!

I've joined the Miscellaneous Afghan Crochet-along  over at Crochetville. It's the first time in awhile I've joined a crochet-along, and I'm really enjoying it. I'm using my own pattern, which I haven't quite finished yet. I'll post a picture here on my blog when the entire thing is done. I'm using Red Heart Light & Lofty, so it's working up pretty quickly.

Stitches for a Cause is moving along, but very, very slowly. I'm thinking I'll eventually just have to make an announcement or something to ask people to look at it. Bev from Bev's Country Cottage was nice enough to agree to a link exchange a little while back, which rocks. It's frustrating, though, that when I get an email telling me about a registration, it turns out to be some stupid spammer. This morning someone registered so that they could post links that looked like they pointed to such topics as non-consensual sex, and sexual activity between family members. Needless to say, I deleted the topic and IP banned the member.

I definitely think SFAC has potential, though. It'll just take some work getting it up and really running, which is fine. That's pretty much life in general, right? It doesn't work right without some effort. I've been debating posting about it at Crochetville, but I feel a little shy to do so. I probably will anyway, and point out that I'm not trying to draw any traffic away from the Ville. I should probably do that now...I've gotten myself kinda pumped up about it just talking about it.

Anywho...until later!

That sounds like a good plan. It's a deal.

I wish you only the best.

Goodbye.

I noticed today that he's doing the same thing again...twisting my words. Just so that you all know I'm not a slut, I never told him he was the third guy I'd gone out with that year. He was the third guy IN A year. From March to March, rather than January to March. 12 months, three guys (not all of whom became my boyfriend, by the way)...that's really not that many, in my humble opinion.

I don't remember which day the entry was posted, but he said something about me taking money from him for a Christmas present I gave him. Here's what really happened:

For Christmas I ordered him a custom mug with a picture of us. I also bought him a hat in a local store. With the cost of the gifts, and shipping on the mug, it came out to around $30. On Christmas morning, I was stunned when I opened my gift from him: a Sony PSP. I'd been saving my money for a PSP for awhile, and he knew I wanted one. And all of a sudden, there it was.

It was nice of him to get it for me. It really was. The thing of the matter is, I didn't feel comfortable taking such an expensive gift from him when I'd only spent about $30. I called him later that day and told him so. I told him I was going to be returning it (I said it nicely, by the way...I did not once raise my voice to him). It upset him that I wanted to return it, as it was the first Christmas gift he's ever given anybody. So, we came to an agreement. I was going to send him money for it, but not the full amount of the PSP - about 30 dollars short. That way, we would have spent around $30 on each other. When he came here earlier this month, I gave him a check. He says in his blog he cashed it. I hope that's what my bank statement says when it comes later this month.

About the thing he says about me taking money for the gift I gave him...I have absolutely no idea what he's talking about. And quite honestly, I don't feel like asking.

Apparently, something just isn't getting through. In a recent entry he says: "Yeah, I knew she didn't want me to call her all the time, but I just wanted to tell her I was there for her," or something of the sort. Bull. While he did say that to me fairly often (or often enough that it got really annoying), that wasn't what we talked about when he called EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY. Usually he had something else he wanted to talk about.

This is for him:

You've asked me several times to forgive you. Of course I forgive you. It doesn't seem like it, I'm sure, but I wish you the best. I seriously hope you think about what we talked about several times. I think it would be beneficial.

At the same time, my life is much less stressful without you. I'm sorry to have to tell anybody that, but it's true. You said in your blog that you don't think I'll call you in May. I really was planning to call you then, but now, I don't think I will. There is too much of a rift between us, and things will never be the way they were. And unless you take advantage of what I suggested, nothing will ever change.

I know I've done things that hurt you, and I truly am sorry. These last two blog entries have probably been painful. If you're wondering why I posted them at all, it was because I wanted people to know the truth about what you were posting. I called you on your game and now you're mad about it. I guess I was supposed to sit back and take it, huh? Come on, you know I don't do that.

No more apologies. No more "You're the only one I'll ever love." No more guilt trips. No more disrespecting wishes I have made clear several times. I've had it, it's over, I'm done.

Have a nice life.

For those of you who came here from a blog written by a guy who does nothing but complain about the horrible things a girl did to him...yep, I'm that girl. I've been told I shouldn't read his blog, as it keeps me attached to him, and I do agree. On the other hand, reading his blog is how I found out he was waiting for me (without my knowledge) at my workplace after I'd specifically told him not to call me, send me emails, or show up at my place of work.

There have been a few inconsistencies on his blog with what actually happened in the real world. So, before you all start feeling too sorry for him, allow me to set the record straight on a few things.

1. In his March 21st entry, he mentions that I get angry when he says he loves me. This is because he started saying it to me soon after we got together, and kept on saying it after we stopped seeing each other. Seeing as how this bothered me, I told him time and again to stop. While I was at it, I told him to stop calling me "hon," "sweetheart," and that kind of thing. Did it stop him? Nope.

2.The title of another of his March 21st entries is "If she cares for me she would not do like this." Okay, let's make a list of the things he did which proved he is obsessed, not in love, with me. Let the red flags commence:
   
Guilt trips. Frequently. When he sent me an email asking me if I wanted to marry him (we weren't  even seeing each other at this point in time), I sent him one back saying no. Keep in mind that              this was not the first time he proposed. Not much later, I got an email back saying he wasn't     going to class that night because I had hurt him too much.

Another great yet true example of a guilt trip would be the time he blamed me for his getting a C in one of his classes. Apparently, when I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore, he just couldn't concentrate, so he got a C in one of his classes, which caused him to lose his assistantship. Never mind that he got good grades in his other classes. I guess he was able to keep concentrating in those, huh?

He tries to use my religious faith as a way of controlling me. I've heard way too many excuses from him to believe much of what he says at all anymore, and he knows it, judging by some of the emails I got awhile back. I can't remember what he was trying to convince me of, but he said, "If you don't trust me, at least trust God." I sent him one back saying I DO trust God, but I don't trust people simply because they invoke his name. They gotta prove it, people. He is constantly blaming God for his problems. Take another look at one of his March 21st entries. It says, and I quote, "I dont know why god was so late in making me  realize the truth  that she doesn't care for me well before." Um...is it God's fault that he didn't listen when I told him I wasn't in love with him, and I wanted to see other guys? Just for the record, I'm not cruel when I have to tell somebody something like this. Getting dumped hurts, and I try to be as gentle about it as possible, not the heartless monster that he's making me out to be.

He disrespects my wishes not only about being told "I love you" and stuff like that, but other things as well. I am not a person who particularly enjoys talking on the phone. I have specifically told him that. What does he do frequently anyway? Calls me on my cell phone. If I don't get to it in time, or just don't bother answering, he calls my land line two seconds later. Is it any wonder my friends have urged me to change my number?

He threatens to kill himself. Not once, but twice. Naturally, it freaks me out. I can see how it was just a ploy to get my attention, because after I told him that next time he said something like that, I would call the police department in his area, he didn't do it again.

He acts as if all of the above are for my own good. After I confronted him about it, he told me in an email that he had to act that way. Why? Because when he came here in January (the third time in seven months), he apparently thought we were back together (we were NOT). So, here's his story in a nutshell: "I know you don't love me, so you were feeling bad about going with me in January. So I had to do all this stuff so when you broke up with me again you wouldn't feel as bad about it." Got a headache yet? Let's keep in mind that he's been doing these things waaaaaaaay longer ago than January. He gave me the same bull over the phone one day, and I called him on it. He didn't bother me again for awhile after that.

So, that's five red flags. Impressed? Let's move on to some more blog inconsistencies, shall we?

3. On his March 18th entry, he says he sent back the DVD's I loaned him. This part is true, the DVD's got here a few days ago. What isn't true is the part about me saying I didn't know whether or not he was going to send them back. The truth of the matter is I couldn't find them, but couldn't remember if he had given them back to me or not. What I said in my email asking for them back was, "I'm not sure if you HAVE (emphasis added) them or not."

4. Scroll down in his blog a little further and you'll see that he says in another March 18 th entry he doesn't like having friends. Okay, then why was he always griping about nobody liking him? If he didn't like having friends, wouldn't that be a good thing?

Alright, I've got an exam in an hour and a half, and I need to go do a bit of last-minute cramming. I'll be back in a little while to point out some more untruths on this blog.

It's a little strange, I suppose, that the last time I posted I was talking about a fascination with mortality, and very soon thereafter, a former dictator was executed. Then again, all the news about peoples' deaths lately may have been what made me think about it in the first place. There was James Brown, Gerald Ford, and now Saddam Hussein.

I knew Saddam would be hanged before February, but I'm still a little stunned that it happened that quickly. His execution was what, four days after his appeal was rejected? They don't fool around. Hussein has been in the news for as far back as I can remember, since he came to power before I was even born. It's so strange to think that he's dead. I guess it's just like with anyone else; you know they'll eventually die, but it comes as a shock when they actually do.

Anyway. My day yesterday was long. My brother had a doctor's appointment in a place about 40, 45 minutes from here. He and my mother were going to do some shopping afterward, so I decided I'd tag along. I kid you not, we waited well over an hour before they finally got around to calling him in. Then he was done in ten minutes. I guess I shouldn't complain, though, there were some people who were there before we were and called in after my brother was. *rolls eyes*

So, that was a fun way to spend the morning. *sigh* To add to the misery, right when we're leaving the doctor's office I am informed that I will be getting my blood drawn to check for some disease I can't even remember the name of. It's some blood disorder. For anybody who doesn't know it already, I am amazingly frightened of needles. If I ever get diabetes, I'm screwed. I more or less threw a fit when I recieved this news. ("I'm not going! Don't even schedule an appointment for me!")

The day from then on went pretty well. Finally, after months of ranting, raving, and just plain whining, I got a new computer! It's a Gateway MX6960 notebook, with an ultrabright widescreen, 1 GB of memory, a 160 GB hard drive, and an Intel Centrino Duo processor. I'm in love.  

I wasn't feeling the love last night, however, when trying to set up an internet connection on it. I couldn't find the information I needed, and ended up just guessing at the username and password. I tried again and again, and each time, it would dial and allllmooost complete the process, but then change its mind because my username and password weren't recognized. Finally, I found the paper with the information I needed, and got connected. By this time, the connection had decided it was sleepy. It took its sweet time doing anything. Ram, I got your email, for some miraculous reason. I was just so tired and frustrated by that point I went to bed, rather than spending 20 minutes trying to reply. I'll definetly give you a call soon. And yes, I'm playing the PSP.

I've thought of another resolution to add to my list. Update Gaboodles weekly. Even if I add only one design a week, that's still a whole lot of new products. I'm determined to build it into a store I can depend upon (at least somewhat) to earn a little extra money every month. December was my best month yet at $91 in commissions. Now that Christmas is over, though, sales have pooped out. My goal for 2007 is to be earning $50 a month in commissions by the end of the year.

Alright, I guess I'm gonna wrap this up. Can you believe only one more day until 2006 is over?

 

This post may be a little on the morbid side. I'm not sure why it popped into my head, but for some reason, it did.

 Is anyone else intrigued by the thought of everything we take for granted eventually coming to an end? I'm not talking about faith, love, etc. in this case. I mean material things. The keyboard I'm typing on right now will someday cease to exist. I don't know how. It may age and crumble to dust, it may be destroyed in an accident, whatever.  The fact is, it won't last forever. The cup I'm drinking my cappacino out of, the machine I made the cappacino with...eventually, they will no longer...be.

Rather than scare me, the idea fascinates me. I've always been intrigued by the idea of mortality, though. Not just death, but mortality. That probably has a lot to do with it.

A lot, if not most people, find the idea of death frightening. While I can certainly understand that, I feel differently. I'm not sure exactly why, but I find the idea of mortality quite comforting. Before I freak anybody out, I don't want to die right now. I've got a lot of things in my life I want to do before my time is up, and I hope I live a long life worth remembering. But I have to admit, I'm glad I'm not immortal, at least not in the physical sense. I truly believe that soul lives forever.

After reading all that, a person might think I'm in kind of a bad mood, but I've actually been a pretty happy camper all day long. Sleeping in till noon might have contributed to that. So could having two cappacinos, starting at 5:30 in the afternoon.  My brother gave me an espresso/cappacino maker for Christmas, which was perfect, considering I'm a coffee-holic. I have to say, it's quite the fun little toy. I wish I could take it back to Illinois with me, but there's no way it'll fit in my luggage. I'm afraid it'll break if I try to mail it. It's just going to have to stay here in good ol' Washington until I get my own place. Hopefully, that'll be within the next 6 or 7 months. I better start polishing up my resume, so I at least have a rough idea of where I'll live (crosses fingers and prays). I guess that means I better actually start writing  a resume.

Honestly, I feel like writing tonight. Considering no other ideas have popped into my head since the beginning of this post, however, I guess I'll quit. Maybe I'll work on my cafepress shop instead. I also have an idea for a game I want to make with RPG Maker XP (I'll add a link some other time). I paid 60 bucks for it, there's no way I'm not going to use it. I've been working on a storyline for it, maybe I'll do that. Anyway, I'm rambling. If I'm not back before New Year's, have a good one!